


if i can be with you

by chaplaintappman



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Oneshot, Scene Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaplaintappman/pseuds/chaplaintappman
Summary: Tendou stays out too late and locks himself out of the dorms. Ushijima is tasked with finding him and bringing him out of the rain.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	if i can be with you

**Author's Note:**

> this title had a meaning when i wrote it, but i've since forgotten what it means... :") i wrote this because i was driving home one night in a rain storm and i just really liked the vibes, and wanted to write a fic in that setting (hence, scene study). this is short and was supposed to be a break from the long angst ive been working on but... didnt really work out that way lol . like i said in the tags, this wasn't beta read so if there's any mistakes please let me know so i can fix them lmao :) hope u enjoy !

The sun had set hours ago. Wakatoshi swore he could hear thunder off in the distance, tucked away in the midnight blue clouds. It was quiet in his dorm; algebra textbook open on his desk, lamp craned low to the tabletop, foot balanced on a volleyball. But instead of staring at the unsolved equations beneath his arm, he stared out the open window at the falling rain, twirling a pencil between his fingers.

It was only sprinkling, but the sound of the droplets against the window was mesmerizing. They hit the glass with surprising force, making a tinkling sound as they stuck to the surface. That was thanks to water’s adhesive properties, if he remembered freshman science right. Years ago, Satori got him interested in storms; his best friend was obsessed with the sky, and everything that came with it. The glimmer of sunlight, the patter of rain, the glow of the moon. Satori loved the night sky, especially. He knew all the constellations and would point them out to Wakatoshi, and loved to tell him the Greek myths that went with them. Wakatoshi preferred to watch the raindrops illuminate the room, while Satori told his stories. He liked it when the moonlight shone through the water and put soft dots of light across the floor, like a warped disco ball. He liked the way it made Satori’s eyes glow, the way it dulled the red in his eyes from a burning flame to smoldering embers, the way it made him feel safe to touch and hold.

Wakatoshi stared at the storm clouds, which encapsulated the sky so that it was completely hidden away. He wondered if the horses were afraid of thunder. He wondered when Satori would be back. He said he was studying with another student in the cafeteria tonight, some girl on the student council. The dorm felt lonely with only Wakatoshi in it. Satori liked to narrate his mangas to Wakatoshi as the latter did his homework, complete with different voices for different characters. The dorm felt cold and dark without the embers to keep him safe.

He dropped his foot to the floor, kicking the ball away. It rolled lazily across the tiles, stopping at the door with a quiet _tmp_ as it hit the frame. He turned his attention back to his homework, staring at the variables and numbers, graphs and number lines. He put the cacophony of the storm out of his mind and set his pencil to the paper. There were only fifteen problems left, and then he was done for the night.

His phone buzzed. His hand reached out and snatched it up before he had consciously realized it. The pencil fell with a clunk to the desk as Wakatoshi brought his other hand up to unlock his text notification.

_Satori: wakatoshiii!! i locked myself out again >.< _

Wakatoshi sighed. It wasn’t uncommon for Satori to push curfew and stay out later than he should, and it was even less uncommon for Satori to lock himself out of the dorms in the process. Wakatoshi always reminded him that the doors lock at ten o’clock sharp, but his friend always waved him off with a laugh.

_Wakatoshi: Do I need to let you in again?_

_Satori is typing…_

Wakatoshi began to pick up his pencil again when his phone buzzed with another text. He stretched as he stood up, already knowing what it was going to say. He pulled a jacket off his bed and pulled it on, grabbing an umbrella as well, just in case, and then slowly stuck his head out the door to make sure he wouldn’t be caught sneaking out. When he was sure the coast was clear, he made his way to the stairwell, without his phone and the text that instead said “ _could you meet me down here instead? i want to ask you something._ ”

His shoes made a light sound against the metal stairs as he made his way down. He always met Satori at the door that connected to this stairwell. Door number fifteen, fitted with a single sheet of one-way glass in the center, overlooking the patch of empty green between their building and the rest of the school.

He pushed the door open, and his ears were met with the sound of water pounding against the sidewalks. It still wasn’t a heavy rain, although it was heavier than Wakatoshi originally thought, but it was certainly enough to soak a person through their coat. He wondered if Satori had taken an umbrella with him (though he knew the answer was probably no).

He stuck his head out the door, searching for his friend who was nowhere in sight. He took a step forward, just enough so he could look around the side of the enclave. Water dripped onto his nose, carving a path down his lips until it fell off his chin. Satori was nowhere to be seen.

Wakatoshi sighed. He didn’t have his phone, so he couldn’t text Satori, which meant he had to go _find_ him. Wakatoshi reluctantly folded up his jacket and stuck it in the crack between the door and the doorframe, so it wouldn’t shut and lock them both out. Now he stood fully on the small step outside the door, inches from the onslaught of rain, and illuminated by a single orange light overhead, which was being viciously attacked by moths and mayflies. He popped his umbrella open and walked off onto the dark school grounds, praying that no one noticed the propped open door. Rain pattered against the flaps of his umbrella, sliding down to the spokes at the bottom to drip down onto his shoulders and knees and shoes. His heels kicked through puddles, splashing water off onto the grass beside the pavement, turning it into a muddy mess. 

He walked out past the building to the main walkway, with still no sign of the redhead. He sighed to himself, then laid his head back to look at the stars through the clear plastic. They twinkled like devils, snickering at his predicament. He wondered what constellation was above him tonight. He wondered if Satori was actively giving himself a cold. With that thought, he brought his gaze back down and stepped off towards the heart of campus.

Satori was sat on a bench outside the main building, his own umbrella propped against his shoulder as he stretched out in his seat. The tips of his hair had gotten wet and began to droop towards the ground, and everything below the belt was soaked to the bone. Water pooled in the creases of his pants, around the curves of his thigh and calf muscles. Wakatoshi didn’t want to disturb him, he wanted to watch Satori a little while longer; but considering how his friend would probably be a sneezing mess tomorrow if stayed out any longer, Wakatoshi swallowed the lump forming in his throat and approached the bench.

When Wakatoshi took a seat next to his friend, the creak of the wet wood made Satori pop one eye open, and the redhead peered over at Wakatoshi in that creepy way only he could.

“You finally made it, ‘Toshi,” Satori hummed. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming. I was making plans to sleep on this bench.” As if to punctuate the thought, Satori lightly tapped the space between them.

“Why are you out here?” was all Wakatoshi could muster. 

“I thought about waiting by the horses,” Satori said, even quieter than before, like he was speaking to himself, “but I couldn’t remember if there were benches out there. So I decided to stay here.”

Satori turned towards him then, shortening the already small gap between them. Their umbrellas began to bump against each other, letting the water collected on both to rain down between them. Satori’s umbrella wasn’t clear like Wakatoshi’s, so his face was shadowed. The light still somehow glinted off the whites of his eyes, giving it the same creepy look he wore in matches.

“You’re not wearing a coat, Wakatoshi-kun,” Satori noted. “You’ll catch a cold.”

“I left it in the door, so we can get back inside.”

“It’s so very peaceful out here, though,” Satori hummed. “Do you even want to go back inside?” When Wakatoshi didn’t answer, Satori turned his gaze away, instead staring out at the rain. It continued to fall on his legs, soaking his dress pants so much that Wakatoshi began to think he’d never get the water stains out.

“Nature is beautiful.”

Wakatoshi cocked his head. “I mean, I guess so,” he replied.

“It always balances itself out.” Satori leaned forward, bringing his face into the rain. The water caught on his hair, pulling it down and making it frame his face. “Nothing is left hanging.”

“Well, everything wants to be in equilibrium,” Wakatoshi responded. “It doesn’t waste energy.”

“Even down to atoms,” Satori said, “electrons all have their pairs, evening out the charge. Just about everything has its duo.”

“Yeah…” Wakatoshi mumbled. His brow furrowed as Satori talked, more and more confused by his monologue.

“What’s your duo, Wakatoshi-kun?” Satori turned to look at him again, and Wakatoshi thanked the night for the darkness that hid his face.

“...I’m not sure that I have one,” Wakatoshi replied after a pause, and Satori turned away again. “Not everything has a counterpart.”

“Yeah, but it’s nice to have one.” 

“I guess you would be my duo, if I had to pick.”

Satori laughed. It had a bitter tone to it, and Wakatoshi shrunk back.

“That would be nice.” He sat his elbows on his knees and continued to get drenched by the rain. “But I don’t think I was made with a duo.”

“Why’s that?”

“Mm… If nature always tries to even itself out, what do you think it does about mistakes, Wakatoshi-kun?”

“I don’t know.”

“It eradicates them,” Satori said. “Rocks in the wrong places get eroded. Animals with bad genes don’t mate. People with the wrong traits die out.”

Wakatoshi’s skin prickled. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.” Satori turned to look at him, eyes squinted with a smile. Water streamed down his face, covering every surface of skin. His hair had fully fallen now, the hairspray having been fully washed out. Thunder rumbled in the distance, quiet and low, like ambiance more than a warning. There was a hollowness behind those red eyes, something that Wakatoshi had never seen in his loud, energetic, never-endingly-happy friend. It was like the embers had completely died. Even though it was raining, Wakatoshi could have sworn Satori was crying.

“Why do you think you’re…” Wakatoshi gulped. “A mistake?”

“There’s no evolutionary benefit to being gay. Not in the twenty-first century.”

The smile had fallen from Satori’s face, and he held Wakatoshi’s gaze in a mental iron grip. His eyes appeared as black as the sky above him. Thunder rumbled again, closer. Wakatoshi just stared, lips parted, as the gears in his brain were starting to turn. 

“Are you going to run away now? Go appeal for a new roommate? Stop talking to me?” Satori scoffed, staring at Wakatoshi’s shocked expression. He couldn’t help but notice the way Satori’s shoulders shook. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay, Tendou,” Wakatoshi said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. 

“That’s rich,” he laughed. “You know how many people have said otherwise? Hell, I can’t even get married.” Satori lifted his hand to the sky, watching as water pooled in his hand. 

Wakatoshi took a deep breath, trying to stabilize his rapidly beating heart. “Yeah, well,” he began, “even if everyone else in the world hated you, I would still be here.”

Satori turned and stared at him. Now it was his turn to wear the shocked look.

“I don’t care if you’re gay,” he continued. “Why _would_ I care? You’re still Tendou.”

“Everyone always cares.”

“I’m not everyone, am I?” Wakatoshi leaned closer, his bravery building. “No matter what, you are my best friend, and that’s unconditional.”

“Thank you.”

“Nothing can end that.” Wakatoshi moved closer still, so he hovered almost in Satori’s lap. He knew he was speaking ahead of his brain, but didn’t care enough to stop. “Tendou, nothing stops me from loving you.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Wakatoshi swore the raindrops started moving upwards. Time moved backward as he watched the gears turn in Satori’s mind. Suddenly, the rain felt colder, like a morning shower, one before your first cup of coffee, so the shock of the temperature wakes you up instead. He remembered that yes, horses are afraid of thunder; loud sounds and sudden movements were terrifying to them. Animals that could kill men, so strong we categorize engines with “horsepower”, but afraid of the simplest things. Wakatoshi felt, at that moment, like the Shiratorizawa horses that got caught out in the thunderstorm, except he had no stable to run to. The rain moved backward, and Wakatoshi just had to wallow in it. 

“‘Toshi…”

“Wow, it’s getting late!” the ace laughed, standing up suddenly. “We should get back, huh?”

“Hey—”

“Have to get up early tomorrow,” Wakatoshi continued. “And we have practice. Better get a lot of sleep.”

“ _Wakatoshi_.”

He turned to look at the redhead, who had stood up while he was talking. He had lifted his umbrella over his head, but it was pointless with how soaked he was anyway. 

“Can we share the umbrella?” Satori asked, tilting his head.

“Oh, ah, sure.” Wakatoshi held it out, and Satori scooted under it as he closed his own umbrella. If they stood side to side, their shoulders would have pressed together. Instead, here, in the middle of their school campus, they stood with their noses mere inches apart.

“You love me?”

“Everyone loves their best friend, right?”

Satori just looked at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Wakatoshi rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, but saw Satori turn towards the dorm building out of the corner of his eye.

“Let’s head home, shall we?” Satori hummed, latching his hand above Wakatoshi’s on the umbrella stem.


End file.
